One thank you too late/ A small tribute

The night before I got married, my family held the traditional wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.  Our dinner was lovely.  The meal was a choice of chicken with boursin cheese or rockfish imperial.  I tried to create a luau theme, with leis and tiki torches.  There was a pool table and video games and, the best part, an open bar!  I was surrounded by just about everyone in the world that I loved and cared for most (a few important people were not able to make the event), and I have a few classic memories to take through life with me.  The star of one such memory is my dear Aunt Patsy.
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As you can see, Aunt Patsy (along with my mom and
Grandma) was thrilled to be at my wedding! :-)


Aunt Patsy is my grandma's sister.  Since I was a little girl, she has played a leading role in my life.  Aunt Patsy, along with her sister Barbara, are what I imagine the quintessential southern woman to be. This is the woman that fed me her granddaughter's rabbit - and I thought it was chicken!  My cousin's son had diarhea and she treated him with Karo Syrup.  My brother went boar hunting with her sons.  She had one three-legged dog, one named "Red" and another named "Bobcat" that would bite you as easily as he'd look at you. And when she spoke, it was with a high-class, quite refined southern dialect; a tongue best used for spreading southern hospitality, or as us Yankees call it, gossip.

Aunt Pat's handiwork on the
cutest models available

For my wedding, Aunt Pat made just about everything that wasn't bought or borrowed.  She made my bridesmaid dresses, the flower girls' dresses, vests for the boys and my wedding cake.  The cake was delicious and oh how I covet that recipe!  She worked really hard for my wedding and I guess she decided to let loose a little at the wedding rehearsal. 

The night of the rehearsal, after dinner, I walked over to the table she was sitting at with my mom and Grandma.  I asked if everyone was having a nice time and Aunt Patsy said she was.  She held up her nearly-empty frozen margarita glass and exclaimed in her Southern drawl, "I've had four of these!"  As we all had a nice laugh, I noticed one of the tiki torches, which had not been lit due to the fire hazard it would create, was singed.  When I inquired as to which of the three had tried to light it, the other two quickly gave up Aunt Patsy.  Innocently, she said "Well, I just wanted to see if it would light."  As if it were so obvious! 

A few months ago, Aunt Patsy was diagnosed with cancer.  This past week, I learned that she had been hospitalized because tumors in her body were slowly shutting down her organs, starting with her kidneys. This morning, with my grandmother holding her hand, Aunt Patsy said her good-byes and went Home. 

As a part of my thank-you project, I wrote Aunt Patsy a card thanking her for all that she has done for me over the years.  A card she will never read.  How was I to know that in less than two weeks, she would die and that the card I wrote, thinking I would see her again, would arrive a day too late?  I wrote out the card, but didn't send it because I did not have Patsy's address on hand.  Like most of the things we put off in our lives, I thought I had more time to get it to her.  I realize now how foolish I was. 

Can we ever trust that we have more time to say "I love you," "I miss you," or even just "I was thinking of you today?"  And how often do we regret our wasted time, our sentiments falling on deaf ears?  We always take for granted the time we have with the ones we love and, in a way, we take them for granted.  I took for granted that my grandfather knew I loved him, even though the pitch of my voice was too high for him to hear, so I didn't talk to him often. Now, I wish I had screamed until my point was clear.  I take for granted that the people I love will be there when I need or want them to be.  I have experienced over and over again that this is not always true.  Will I ever learn??

When I wrote the card to Aunt Patsy, thanking her for making my wedding so special and for giving me some great childhood memories, I knew she was sick.  I knew there was a chance I would never see her again, but I didn't want to believe it to be true.  In the end, I weakly ended the letter with "I hope to see you soon."  Really, it should have read, "I may not see you again in this world.  If that happens, know that I loved you and you will live on in my memories and in the hearts of those of us who were blessed to have a chance to know you.  Love always, Tiffany"

Next Up!

You may not think that my brother's brother-in-law would top my list of thank yous, but it just so happens that he did.  Jared is married to my sister-in-law's sister, Jessy.  Aside from immediate family, he is one of the first people I wanted to send a letter to.  In the few short years that I have known him, he has built my brother's house, remodeled my parent's bathroom, built a deck and trashcan container for them ... along with other stuff that I'm forgetting to mention. 

I'm not very good at much.  I can type at fast speeds and talk even faster.  That's about the extent of my talents.  Luckily, I have found a use for the former.  Jared has a talent for carpentry and has used it to make life a little easier for those I love most.  When my brother remodeled -- OK, rebuilt -- his home a few years ago, Jared was there beside him the whole time. 

At the time DJ rebuilt his home, my family was not in the best place.  Unfortunately, we are still there.  We put our home in Pennsylvania on the market to try and sell it, decided to rent it out, evicted the first tenants, put it back on the market, rented it out again ... and that cycle continued for a bit.  Brad and I were back and forth to Pennsylvania every weekend dealing with one issue or another, which limited the time we could help my brother with his house.  In turn, Brad tried to help DJ in the home-building process by helping him at work.  In the end, I've always been thankful to Jared for being there for DJ and Julie and helping them build their beautiful home.  (Really, their house belongs in a Better Homes and Garden issue.) 

Jared is an all-around nice guy and was there for my brother at a time that I let him down.

A Moment of Clarity

I have found in writing these cards that some of the people closest to me can be the hardest to write. I have written probably three drafts of a letter to my parents. What do I say? Do I thank them for years and years of giving and taking care of me? Do I thank them for the most recent way they have helped me and my family? Do I focus on one event? Do I make it a broad spectrum "thank you?"

I want my thank-you notes to be about specific ways each person has touched my life, but my parents are constantly affecting my life for the better. They are two of the most sacrificing people I know, especially when it comes to my brother and me and our kids. If I were to write a thank you for everything I could think of, it would be a book!

In writing this blog post, I have figured out how to "tackle" my thank you to my parents. I need to separate them and write a letter to each individual parent. Duh! That is what I did for Brad's parents; why didn't I think of that for my own? This will be much easier. Now, I'm off to write their thank yous!

Mitzy's Adventures

Another person on my list of "thank yous" is Patricia Damm. Miss Pat is one of my favorite people from UMBC. She worked in the Office of Student Life while both Brad and I were there and she just adored Brad. When we graduated, Brad and I would go back to campus just to visit her and hear stories about Mr. Bill, her mom and her dog, Mitzy. She retired not long after we graduated and we have not seen her since I was pregnant with Little Brad. She is someone that touched my life for the short time she was a part of it. I have planned to visit her at her house for a couple of years now. Somehow it has not happened. Along with this thank-you project, I need to put visiting Miss Pat on my priority list.

Number 2

Kim Bear was Community Director at UMBC while I was a Resident Assistant there. She was my boss and I loved working for her. Recently, I considered applying at UMBC to work as a community director, the position that Kim held. I have always loved Student Life and would like to work at a college, but is being a community director right for me? It's a live-on-campus position, it can have an unpredictable schedule, and I would have to take a pay cut to work the position. I decided to ask Kim for her advice regarding my application.

I contacted Kim and she immediately made herself available to talk with me about the pros, cons and potential hang-ups of my application. It was great talking to her after all these years and I truly appreciated her willingness to talk to me and her openness about the position. I decided not to apply for the position. I think Brad and I could make it work for our family, but it just does not fit our long-term goals. For her time and support, I have sent Kim Bear a thank you card.

The First of Many

The first person on my list for a Thank You card was my brother-in-law Bruce. After all, he was the inspiration for this project. It was nice to take a moment to reflect on the past few years of my life, the good, the bad and the avoidable, and to think of Bruce's part in it. I enjoyed writing his card and I hope that he is happy that it was written.

We're on Our Way

Easter is just twelve days away and I have written twenty-five thank you cards. At this point, I have only delivered a few of those. There is a big stack of stamped and addressed envelopes sitting on my passenger car seat. I really need to get those in the mail!

I started my project with a list of names. Initially, I came up with a list of about fifteen people that I "owed" a thank you ... or many thank yous. I thought I would never have a list of forty people! After I had some names down, I began writing the letters. Some of the letters came easily. I knew what I wanted to say and just needed to say it. Other letters have not come so easily, either because I've had too much to say and don't know what to focus on (as is the case with my parents) or I knew what I wanted to say and just didn't know how to say it.

As I have gone through Lent with this project in mind, my list has grown from fifteen people to a list of forty-nine name and the list is still growing! When I started this project, I thought forty names would be a challenge. Now, I know that I may have forty thank you cards mailed and delivered by Easter Sunday, but the project will not end then.